…to shine in use

I wonder whatever happened to Kim Norman.  She was elusive as she was beautiful, with no more a thought toward me than flattery that I would be crushed by her grace and mystery.  I can’t abide on days like this.  And all that I am left to do is to hear the sound of Karen’s voice over the chords in Linford’s fingers, remembering those days when scars on my heart were but a far off dream.

Today the scars are callouses, but still as fresh as day one if not but a bit deeper.  Hold on my heart, for the day is drawing near.  The cries in Egypt tonight are great as the old familiar shadow graces through, taking slowly and coldly from the hands that have fashioned false gods.  I keep bleeding, love.  I am coming home.

Pain is a beautiful thing.  And this is a healing song.  I am thankful for the fire that burns with Holy.  God is in the midst of reparenting me, as He does for each one of us.  Being wounded is not what He had intended for us from the very beginning, but as man fell Father made a way through His own wounds, that our suffering may find legitimacy and purpose, not to be lost among hopelessness and despair. 
This is me today.  I am rejoicing in the wounds that have come by the purpose of my Redeemer.  So many great things are surrounding me, and I am on the verge of of something large.  The colors are being mixed, and the canvas is made ready.  I long for the day to worship through the beauty being born in me, but for now I will worship in the sorrow and the fire.

My life is Hope.

My God is Holy.

And my words are beauty.

You and I, we’ve come so far.
We’ve come so far, we can not look back.
Cause this is a healing song,
Oh, and I’ve got a heart that fails
But Love is pushing me along
I’m pressing up against the veil.

Ever have one of those weeks?
Everything is laid out for you in a clear fashion.  There are goals to reach that are within grasp.  Communication to be shared and calls/e-mails to return, and plenty of time and space to say what needs to be said in a clear and loving way.  There are certain obstacles that will make their way into view, and some will be heavy.  But you are up to the task, and confident that they will teach you something.  When you overcome, there should be a time of celebration, albeit small, for the authority you’ve built.  As the week goes by you realize that you are kicking but and taking names.

Then you realize that you’ve neglected that which is most important, even in the face of the reality that you have made your life’s mission to never miss the sunsets, or to reject the little hands outstrecthed and needing a hug, or to rebuke those who come in emotional distress, or that you would never displace your wife for the completion of a task that really can wait one more day.

How on earth did this week get by so fast with me voraciously satisfying all the wrong needs?  The best laid plans of mice and men . . .

Heaven help.

I have been confronted with my life in these last 12 months of change.  I remember the day when John bought me a pizza at Northstar and the questions began.  Questions that we more for me than for him to try to understand anything.  I could tell by the time I sat down with my green tea that he was not there to try and understand because he already knew.  He began the process of bringing my life into my focal point of view.  I have never confronted my life before.  I had spent the previous 29 years living in reaction.
Living in reaction is the life chosen by most of the population.  Mainly this is because most of all people believe that they have no other choice.  The resources avialable to us often speak loudest in terms of what we are willing to listen to regarding the options we have.  Reactionary living is a plague of the deadliest kind.  It chokes all the things that make us truly human and able to reflect the Nature of God.  Creativity is smothered.  Imagination is given no room to grow, and when it does not grow, like all living things it dies.  Our definition of love turns from what is eternal and omnipotent into a wounded wretched animal crouched in the corner.
Living in reaction is waiting for the factors of our environment to dictate when and how we must respond.  It is waiting.  Often that is all that it is.  Waiting for a paycheck.  Waiting for someone to call.  Waiting for help to arrive.  Waiting to die. 
It has become the mandate of the Church.  For years the call of given from the pulpit has been to wait for the Lord’s return.  Your ticket has been punched, your reservation made.  Wait for Him to come and make everything right.  The people of God have always been no different.  Wait for the Words to come from the mountain.  Wait for Someone to deliver us.  Wait for Messiah.
We live in reaction to determine how and when and to what extent we should obey.  If sin comes in this form of temptation, how will I make sure I have a way out?  What if I find myself in this situation, will I know what to do?  Charles Swindoll wrote a piece about attitude some years ago.  It became the buzz quote of a generation of leaders preaching integrity and discipline in reaction to the things we face as leaders.  In short, Swindoll said that life is 10% what happens to us, and 90% how we respond to it.  Reactionary living.  Most of what I will be jugded on is the 90% of how I respond to the things that happen to me?  I don’t think that Jesus had envisioned us to live life with the mentality of responding to things that happen to us.  In fact, I don’t think we are supposed to let anything happen to us or to anyone else.  Happening means life with our deliberation, without purpose, without design.  There is nothing in all of Creation that lacks design or purpose.  Why should life follow a different set of principles?  If all the factors of an equation follow a specific pattern then the outcome must follow the same pattern.  It is an irrefutable law of the universe.
We have come to all of this by way of a victim mentality.  Everything is a syndrome, a disorder, a deficiency.  I can’t pay attention becaue I have a deficit of attention, and this is a disorder requiring someone else to fix me.  I can’t sit stil because I have a syndrome that causes my leg to be restless.  Watch television for 30 minutes.  Count all of the commercials that solve the problems of a deficiency, disorder, syndrome, disfunction, degeneration, or anything of the like.  Life was certainly not meant to be this way, and blaming the fallen nature of man is certainly no place to end the discussion.  It is certainly the starting point.  But the end is found on a hill far away.  I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.  If God Himself conquered even death that we may have life, and have it abundantly, then we do no greater injustice, we cause no greater evil, we commit no higher blasphemy than to believe that what we are now is all we will ever be.  To bear the Image is to live deliberately.  To stare in the face of fear, and disorder, and disarray and claim the authority of the One who is above all things.  It is not to just fight injustice, but to pursue it, and to eliminate it whever we may tread.  It is not to fight suffering, but to meet it, to embrace it, to hold on until the refining is complete, and to raise up victorious in the wake of the sorrow as the morning comes the quicker.  Bearing the Image is not running from the darkness, but plunging in headfirst with the Light of the World burning within our spirit, making the darkness flee and the predators cower in fear.
We must be deliberate in all things at all times.  Living in reaction breeds contempt, complacency, stagnancy and strife.  There is no striving in Christ Jesus.  Any we attribute is a distortion of the original placed by those of a victim mindset. 
Ultimately there are many things we cannot control.  What we do have is the Authority of Christ, and the power to realize that we are not responsible for the outcome, but for the sowing of the seed.  I cannot control when the ground is ready.  I can hear the voice of the Owner of the earth when He tells me it is time to plant, and I can be deliberate in the work I do in planting the seed whever I go.  I cannot control the rains as they may fall.  I can listen for the sound and rejoice when the rain comes to water the earth, and I can rejoice when the sun burns up the ground, for I have been given the authority to know that I am not validated or confirmed in the moment of my doing.  I cannot determine which seeds will be rejected, and which will take root and grow to fruition.  I can listen for the sound of Mercy leading me to hearts that will join the song. 
We are not called to be responsible for the outcome of all things.  We are called to be deliberate in the works that He has prepared for us in advance that we may walk in our identity, in full authority of the Spirit that binds all things together in perfect unity. 
Today there is work for me and for you.  We must not believe the lie that giving today what we have in our hands will leave those hands empty tomorrow.  We are not defined by our surroundings, our circumstance, our possessions, our needs, our desires, our frailties, our triumphs, our disorders.  We are defined by the Spirit, the One who gave us life in the beginning, who came to show us what life truly looks like, and who sustains us even now.  Read the stories.  Read what Jesus did.  Realize that His Spirit, the same Spirit alive on the pages, feeding the people, touching the unclean, healing the sick, mending the wounded hearts, calling out the sinners to repentance and abundance, this same Spirit is alive in us.  Nothing Jesus did was in reaction.  He was deliberate in all that He did, in the time that He had to do it.  And He was a failure by most accounts.  His ministry ended three years after it began, and it ended with the biggest and greatest disappointment in the history of the world.  It ended with the death of God.  But in all deliberation, He rose to life again.  And so the story continues.  Because He saw it through to the end, so we may see it through today.  And tomorrow.  And any other day He gives us.  Because now that we have His Spirit, we no longer need live in reaction, but in the deliberate reality of the Kingdom of God.

I will be in Florida for the duration of the first week of the baseball season.  My in-laws have the dish network, and I will be enjoying th feast of games that will take place during the next 8 days.  In the spirit of what I have done every year for the last 16 years, I provide my predictions for the season:

AL East
1. Boston Red Sox
2. Toronto Blue Jays
3. New York Yankees
4. Tampa Bay Rays
5. Baltimore Orioles

SI predicts that the Yankees will win the East with a total of 94 games in the win column.  They are officially on drugs.  This line-up gets older, and while A-Rod gets better, Jeter gets weaker.  There are so many things about this team that could be very good.  But I think it will come down to their age and durability.  Their staff does not have the experience or the strength to grind out more than 80 some wins.  The wheels will fall off about the end of August.
Boston has the make-up to remain consistent over the course of the season, which is what it will take to win the division.  Toronto will be streaky.  I like the make-up of the team, and they have enough pitching to overcome the Yankees.
The Rays will be better, and like many of the experts, I also think that they are beginning a path toward long-term success.  They will be fun to watch.

AL Central
1. Detroit Tigers
2. Cleveland Indians
3. Chicago White Sox
4. Minnesota Twins
5. Kansas City Royals

Detroit’s line-up is full of professional hitters.  Each one of them has the ability to change a game with one at bat.  They are patient, smart hitters who can all work the count in their favor.  It will be interesting to see the kind of damage they can do from 1-6.  Cleveland is very balanced, and they will keep winning.  Their staff is better balanced than Detroit, and their bullpen is certainly better.  I think it will be a very close race between them all season, with both teams ending up in the post-season.  It’s been great fun to watch this rivalry develop over the last 2 seasons and it will only get more intense.
Chicago will be good, and the Twins always find a way to compete at some point in the season.  Kansas City may be headed in the same direction as the Rays, but they are still a long way off.  It would be nice to see them gain back some of the elite status they had back in the late 70’s early 80’s.

AL West
1. Anaheim Angels
2. Seattle Mariners
3. Texas Rangers
4. Oaklans Athletics

This is the divsion that stumps me.  There are no real favorites here, with the Mariners and Angels going either way.  Texas will not be horrible, but they won’t be stellar either.  Josh Hamilton will have monster year in Arlington.
The Angels have a very balanced line-up.  Garret Anderson is old, and in the last year of his contract, but he still finds a way to turn in quality production year after year.  The offense will be the difference in topping Seattle.

NL East
1. New York Mets
2. Philadelphia Phillies
3. Atlanta Braves
4. Washington Nationals
5. Florida Marlins

If New York doesn’t win this division then they don’t deserve to win anything for the next 10 years.  They have the two best players in the National League filling the left side of their infield, they are solid up the middle, and they have the best lefthander in the game.  I think Pedro will have a great year pitching 1-2 with Santana. 

NL Central
1. Chicago Cubs
2. Cincinnati Reds
3. Milwaukee Brewers
4. Houston Astros
5. Pittsburgh Pirates
6. St. Louis Cardinals

It’s nice to put the Cubs at 1 without feeling like a wishful thinker.  If they were to get Roberts then they wouldn’t have many weaknesses.  They still remain a solid team with one of the better rotations in the game.  Not overpowering, but more than effective.
I put Cincy in the 2 spot for several reasons.  Their pitching has fewer question marks than Milwaukee, Dusty manages to win games and turn things around, and their line-up has a stronger veteran presence.  And I also hate the Brewers. 

NL West
1. Colorado Rockies
2. Arizona Diamondbacks
3. San Diego Padres
4. San Francisco Giants

Colorado has more going for them than the Backs do, even with the addition of Haren to the staff.  Valverde is gone from the closer’s role, which was more of a factor in winning the close games last year that propelled them to the top of the division than people realize.  They will have trouble scoring runs again, which the Rockies will not.  Both of the Sans will have trouble to staying afloat this year.

Postseason:
AL

Division Series
Boston v Detroit
Cleveland v Anaheim
(Cleveland and Detroit will win more games than the Sox)

ALCS
Detroit v Cleveland
Cleveland in 7

NL
New York v Colorado
Chicago v Philadelphia

NLCS
New York v Chicago

Chicago in 7

World Series
Cleveland v Chicago

Cleveland in 6

So nobody tagged me, but Andy and John have a good idea going.  Don’t know who thought of it first.

Four jobs I’ve had:
-Food Prep at McDonald’s - first job at 15.  I was told I have a real future in fast food, that I could find myself manager one day.  So I quit.
-Surveying new railroad track for Fritz, Rumer, Cooke - Worked with 78 year old Pat Traini.  He would direct me some 2000 feet into a Northern Ohio cornfield where I would place metal pins in the ground.  The days actually went fast, and I got a lot of praying in between paces and placements.  I learned a lot from watching a 78 year old who never retired because he liked his job so much.  He also saved my life one day while I was standing in the middle of a track waiting to place a mark on a future turnoff.  The noise from the factory and depot was too much for me to hear a detached line of about 7 cars that got dropped off to the depot.  They were moving fast enough to knock me down and roll over me.  Pat grabbed me off the track from behind.  He bought me lunch that day.
-Model scout for modeling agency Emodel - don’t ask.  I did discover one potential Abercrombie model. 
-Teacher - WCHS; the jury’s still out

Four TV shows I’m watching
-Superfriends season 2
-The Legendary Superpowers Show
-Superpowers Galactic Guardians
-The Legenday Superfriends
(I have sons who love superheroes more than I do)

Four Places I have Been
Baseball with Leanne edition:
-Wrigley Field - Cubs/Astros on our first married vacation
-Riverfront Stadium - Cubs/Reds opening weekend 2000 her first Major League Game
-PNC Park - Pirates/Astros on a Sunday whim to see the Pirates new park
-Comerica Park - Tigers/Indians with our boys for their first Major League game

Four Musical Artists I am listening to now:
-Matisyahu
-Seal
-Foo Fighers
-John McCollum’s greatest hits

March 16 of this year marks the third anniversary of the birth of Kellen Patrick O’Donnell.  I can’t express my joy and my delight in him in something as limiting as words.  I have prayed so often for him with an overwhelming sense of exultation and praise to God Almighty for blessing us so truly and completely. 

Kellen, you are simply my great joy.  We are a blessed home and a blessed family by your presence with us.  You make our family complete.  You are truly a Mighty Warrior with the heart of Mercy, and I pray that you continue to love the Lord your God with all that you are.  I love you son.

Happy Birthday Superman.

Good to see a turning point today.  The sun is shining, and the mercury is up past the 50 mark.  I’ve an inclination to go buy a baseball bat on a day like today, and stand in a field tossing up baseball after baseball as I send them into the grass far away.

I’ve finally chosen books for the month. After a two week reading famine, no less.  Or rather I should say that the books chose me, as often is the case.

I am reading Charles Frazier’s new book, Thirteen Moons.  Frazier is a truly gifted story teller, and he makes you fall in love with the landscape he writes about.  His characters are multi-dimensional, and familiar in every sense of the word.  Familiar but not tired.  The book has made my spirit rise, as good stories will do.

I have chosen a stack of biographies, all of a decent length for having a goal of finishing them by the end of March.  One on Stallin, one by Roald Dahl about his early life, and two about Hank Aaron.  I thought with opening day two weeks away, a national holiday in our house, a few good baseball books would be in order.  And there isn’t a much better place to start than with the man who, as I think on it further, was the greatest player in the game’s history.

There aren’t many men like Hank Aaron.  I have always admired his dignity, his integrity, and his quiet strength, even from when I was a nine year old kid trying baseball for the first time.  He is the main reason I have worn 44 for so long.  I read a small part of one of the books, called Me and Hank, written by Sandy Tolan, and already I am gripped with the sorrow and the injustice of what Hank was put through by ingorance and hatred.  There are few things that make me angry, but injustice toward another human being for any reason is highest on the short list.  I am eager to learn more about Tolan’s experience following Hank as a child and then as an adult through the chronicles of Hank’s journey through the eyes of those who watched it all.  I also have chosen I Had a Hammer, Hank’s story in his own words.

I better get at it, if I hope to have them finished by opening day.

Snow!  The Blizzard of 08 is here, thirty years after the last blizzard visited our fine city. 
I have already watched two full Superfriends episodes, and one Justice League movie.  Add to that Batman Legos and DC Superfriends action figure clean-up time and I am just about superheroed out.  I never thought I’d say it.

I have also cleaned the basement, sorted through all the toys, collected things to sell in this spring’s moving garage sale, and rumaged through my baseball card collection for things to keep and things to get rid of.  Along the way I discovered that my childhood has been wiped out after being awash in steroids.  All the baseball cards I thought would one day pay off my student loans are worth less than the cardboard they are all printed on.  And the sad thing is that they weren’t even printed using hip graphics and colors like the cards of previous eras (1971 Topps, anyone?)  I sorted them all and kept the Bretts, Gwynns, Mattinglys, Davis’, Ripkens, Griffeys, Thomas’, and Ramirezes and ditched the rest.  Of course I have my Sandbergs and Graces already tucked away in binders.  Hudson and I went through the comic bin and kept the ones worth reading.  I’m not sure what to do with the rest.  They are worth a couple bucks each, but no one would buy them collectivley, and it’s not worth ebaying 12 comics for 10 bucks plus shipping. 

At any rate we are one giant step closer to streamlining for that move to Colorado, should God keep those doors open.  I am glad to have the time to clean the basement and to organize the closets.  Even if my childhood memories have suffered in the process.  Do I really need 87 Mark McGwires anyway?

What did you do with your blizzard, fellow central Ohioans?

We must mourn for the people of Jerusalem today.  So much hate, and so much evil.

Pray for the peace of Jerusalem, today and everyday.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080307/ap_on_re_mi_ea/israel_palestinians

http://www.jpost.com/servlet/Satellite?cid=1204546426492&pagename=JPost%2FJPArticle%2FShowFull